August 30th, 2004
|11:17 am - LOOK!|
For those of you that have called/emailed/written/sent smoke signals etc.
Yes I have been Ill, my PKD took a turn for the worse and I have been under the routine care of a physician.
I am ok.
Im home now, so those of you who have missed me, and those whom I have missed, feel free to get in touch ASAP. I have not forgotten you, I just had to make my health my #1 priority.
I love you all and hope to be speaking with you soon.
March 15th, 2004
|09:50 am - Tired|
Well this last weekend was great, the boi and I went away to Reno with a few friends for some much needed R & R. We gambled a bit, won about $100 which was nice and paid for our hotel room, checked out the tattoo convention which was unremarkable at best, and stuffed ourselves on too rich food at every possible location.
On the downside I drank way more than I should have, but it was easy to do considering all the free drinks we got while gambling and milling about the casino.
Im paying for it now and my poor kidneys are on strike I think, but it was well worth it for all the fun I had.
Now back to bed for some much needed rest...
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Les Miserables
March 10th, 2004
|10:40 am - Sick of Being Sick|
I woke up this morning to scathing pain in my lower back and pelvis. Instinctively I know its my kidneys, I just dont want to admit it. I attempted to go to work and ended up coming back home after about and hour or so it was that bad.
I need to call my doctor but Im so afraid to find out what kind of shitty complication Im going to be stuck with now. I have a fever and even though its beautiful out right now Im soooooo cold. The worst part is being home alone right now and not knowing wht my stupid PKD is going to be doing next.
Current Music: The silence is deafening
March 8th, 2004
|03:12 pm - *sigh*|
Im having one of those days where I really need to reach out to my friends and talk over some of the stuff going on in my head, but everyone is either too busy, too stressed, or too whatever to talk. I am always the sympathetic ear and counselor of my friends and its very frustrating to know that on one of the few occasions when I need someone no one is fucking there.
Current Mood: disappointed
February 20th, 2004
|07:18 am - Stiiiiiilllll Crushing|
The sound of your voice
carresess my ears
reaching down my spine
igniting flames long extinguished
I revel in your attention
Restraint loses meaning
emphasis on desire
I cannot bear this torture
the proximity of your body
calls to me
begging for touch
Heady with the scent of you
I fall deeper into you
lyrical sentiment pours forth from me
bearing witness to my vigil
devotion to you finding solace
in reverberations of vocabulary
as silently I adore you from afar
Current Mood: infatuated
Current Music: BRMC - Love Burns
February 17th, 2004
|09:43 am - *Crushing*|
Alone with my own thoughts
in the shadow of the night
I reach for you
fragmented memories of converstaions past
as I dream of you
blood rushes to my cheeks
reminding me of shared secrets
as i think of you
rythmic melodies replay in my mind
refrains of longing
as I yearn for you
Current Mood: enthralled
February 16th, 2004
|05:17 pm - Random chicken scratch prattle|
Ive got a bad habit
an addiction if you will
I cannot get enough of you
i'll never have my fill
your presence dominates my mind
your touch lingers on my skin
Ive lost the battle without a fight
it was easy to give in
I cherish every nuance
every inside joke and grin
i live for every deep discussion
and vibe they cause within
fires rage inside me
you have set me all aflame
and now that i have known you
i will never be the same
Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: KMFDM - Dogma
|01:54 pm - quizz time|
i have the day off so im being a quiz slut.
look away now :P
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
February 5th, 2004
|07:21 am - Months of laziness take their toll|
Disclaimer: The following entry contains much ranting and whining about my current self image. If your the type who thinks that makes me self centered then stop where you are and read no further.
I got on the scale today and weighed in at 130, now I realize this sounds fabu to some of you, but when you consider that I stand a full 5 foot 3 and have never really weighed more than 110 soaking wet. Well. The couch potato evenings and too much junk food has taken its toll.
Of course for me its also an issue of health, at 130 my BP is outta wack, which complicates the fact that my kidneys make my BP all hinky anyways. Then there is the issue of blood sugar, and extra weight doesnt help that either.'
My doctor has actually advised that I lose some of the weight and get back down to somewhere around 110-115. This means getting off my rear getting out and getting active. I do miss going to the gym on a regualr basis so i am thinking that perhaps I will move around finances and see if I can switch some things around so that I can allocate enough $ for a monthly gym membership somewhere. I realize that its not necessary, but typically I have to have someone I can go to for instruction like a trainer as I never can remember what weight excercises I should be doing and when etc etc
I am also going to have to cut down on my junk food intake. Not that I eat a lot of it anyways now because of my PKD, but I can cut down on some of those comfort foods I do so love, like homemade mac & cheese, my mothers biscuits, home made bread, and the curse of my existence....salt and vinegar potato chips. i think I may begin keeping track of what I am eating here so that I can get an idea of when it is that I most indulge in comfort foods and try to break the habit. But its hard, I grew up in a family where love was expressed by cooking and feeding, so to go without the things I love is the equivalent of going without hugs for me. But I can do this. I have to for the sake of my health, so its worth it.
That said I am going to go purge my sins on bagel and cream cheese and think about having something healthy for lunch.
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: DJ Keoki
February 3rd, 2004
|08:34 am - Happy Happy Joy Joy|
I got to chat with a long missed friend today. Charles and I have a strange history, but whatever the nature of our relationship is, he will always and forever be someone I hold very dear to my heart. Not only that but he is also my music guru of sorts, and someone who I have always been able to speak frankly with, which is so hard to find these days.It was nice to catch up with someone after so long, and I hope that we never go so long without contact again.
In other news over the weekend I finally got to see SNOW. It was great. The Boi, myself and 2 of his buddies went up to Tahoe Saturday and stayed in a fabu timeshare then came back late Sunday evening. Thoe wasnt all that much to write home about but Ive never seen snow before and it was sooo cool to stand there and have the flakes stick to my eyelashes and to look around and see everything covered in white. YAY. I had such a great time that I am seriously considering gettig a timeshare of my own up there. Then we could make yearly trips a tradition of sorts.
It seems as though I amm all about tradition and rituals lately, I suppose its because I am craving my past and all the things associated with it. I miss my weekly routines, my second saturdays with friends and grooving to the music of the death guild. I think im going to check out the listings for some of the old San Francisco hangouts and perhaps indulge in a few trips there this month. Of course this means leaving the boi to his own devices unless I can convince him that goth/industrial/darkwave/ etc type music isnt what he thinks it is. But that still remains to be seen, the last music discussion we had ended up with him calling Lacuna Coil chick music and me thrwoing a tempertantrum. Proof positive that sometimes you just have to agree to disagree.
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Sneaker Pimps - Spin Spin Sugar